there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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