I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize