Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sarcasm needs its own font
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
