We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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