i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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