Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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