We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
