I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
