Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize