So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
