Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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