it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
