you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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