Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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