well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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