The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize