did you get engaged???
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
