We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize