i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
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