did you get engaged???
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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