She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
