you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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