Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We left the knife in your bed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
