Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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