"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All the doctor said was why
My life is pants optional.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
