You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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