Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
