After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
