i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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