so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize