I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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