hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
