You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
