i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
