Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
