I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ok first of all what the fuck
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
