walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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