awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
