We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
