i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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