from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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