what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
