Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
