I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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