I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
