We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
