A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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