We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
