At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
COCAINE IS GR8
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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