she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
