If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize