I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
