guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
