He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
