Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
