I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
