I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
