i will never coherently bang her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
