Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
