you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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