You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
