quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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