As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
In America we eat man semen.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
