So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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