The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
