How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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