ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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