I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
