You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
