i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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