Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You need Xanax blowdarts
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
