woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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