got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
