I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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