He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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