i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
