it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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