There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize