i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
