Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
