Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
