respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
